Falling Metanoia


It’s six pm on a not-so-random evening of Fall
I am awake, upon this lazy autumn daze

This heart of mine feels hefty in its ever-solid space
If burst it could, it would, I’m sure; it’d crack this chest of mine.

I’d scream right to the universe; all your eyes, for me beheld
This pain of nonexistence I’d get rid of; be without.

I’m living by a fantasy called YOU; this dream that I call ‘Life’
And yet, I’m here for you. For you, nowhere to be found!

This time around I’m keener-
Or am I clinging to my mistakes once and again?

This falling for your eyes, this time-
Is it worth the many moments I would cry away the pain?

Cause nonexistent we have been, on this turn of century;
Nonexistent, you and me; all we’ve dreamed & have believed

Your smiles though, are a fragrance of hopeful remedies;
They bring heartfelt, brimful light; onto my days of ever fright.

Is it you who is the reason for the blissfulness of rays?
Is it you and only you; that I’ve waited for, on end?

On this morning time of Fall, I can find myself no more;
I am lost once and again; you will find me, will you not?

I’ve been waiting to be me; a soul of purity & peace
Yet it feels like I have lost it; that light aglow, that might.

Have I lost it? What’s my Telos? Do I have one? Do I breathe?
Is Life the end of Life? What’s the purpose, then, of lies?

Is it Love what we are feeling? Is it passion? Could be god?
Oh! Nonexistent, was he not; through the centuries of awe?

I guess he was, I guess we are; nonexistent, filled with lack.
I think we are; through this realm, nowhere to be found.

And yet the mysteries of Fall have ever fallen through the leaves;
Of many colors and desires and the whims of fearless flow

They have fallen through the timelessness of seasons;
They have mystified our soul with a certain “I don’t know”

© Sina Saberi – 14 October 2013

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