Upon having my very first theatrical experience on stage, I felt the need to share the experience with my readers here. The play was an adaptation of “House Painters Have No Memories” by Dario Fo. I played the role of Sonia in the play. We had added notions of sexual duality & identity in this role which for me alone held much meaning. Hope you enjoy:
Who Sonia was, I mean the real Sonia: the one who would put aside all her worries & concerns, the one who’d rush towards the stage and jump on it and start changing into clothes which would otherwise deconstruct her and turn her into who she might have been, who she could have been, who she would be and who she truly was. she would bear much stress and make sure no one sees that she is changing into other clothing and yet she would ever blatantly face the audience and put on that lip stick and leave.
What men knew of women as well as that which women knew of men; Sonia was aware of both. Sonia knew very well how it felt to be a woman; she knew how to be a man also. she had been both; for as long as one eternity. she could feel the pain of being misunderstood as well as the ache of not being understood at all. this playful being would take pleasure in speaking through the silence, to and for those who might possibly hear her out. she spoke to her own self, she spoke to me and to you also. she expressed duality and the inevitability of all souls which are too big for this world. Sonia was a poly-personage who would at many points manage to unify all those persons into one single form: Sonia, regardless of sexuality, sexual identity and gender.
A mere point of interest emerges when i point out the fact that despite the variety and versatility in who she was, the other characters would accept her as “Sonia” and would try to have communication with her, if even very short-lived and perishable. the reason for that must have been the fact that she was real whatever she was, she knew of her purpose and she was determined. she had long let go of all the fears which would at any point hinder who she was.
I personally learned much from the presence which was Sonia. she would come to life around 9:00 pm every night for one month. she would be regardless of all that has bothered us; she had merely one purpose; to be and to fulfill her purpose: being Sonia. she taught me of assurance, of independence & heartfelt decisions which would only glorify her as an individual. she knew when to be sweet, when to be absolutely mad and when to suddenly burst into tears and then instantly burst out laughing. she taught me that you can be whatever you wish to be; you may define and redefine who you are; you may construct and deconstruct your own character.
What we could-if we really really wanted to-learn from Sonia, is the fact that situations, colors, clothing, gender, sexual identity & the people we encounter do not define us; they do not give us meaning about who we are. the mirror which Sonia held as she moved around the stage every night taught me all that. at times she would look into the mirror and see herself, at times who would look into it to communicate with others and at times the audience would see through the mirror. we are who we are, mirrors or no mirrors. but that inner mirror inside of us, the one that resembles our true self, that’s the one that needs looking into. that’s the one which would bring about self discovery at the end of the day when every single soul has failed us, when circumstances have turned us into dust, when nothing else has truly helped. there we are, the real Sonias waiting to break out all boundaries and emerge as a true self, filled with the magic of Life…
To Sonia who shall forever live.
© Sina Saberi – 27 July 2013