The belonging



What’s this pain? What have I gained? What’s this bitterness of days?

There’s no smile upon my lips; there’s no way around these tears

I have lost my self and way; I have fallen through a wave

This has never been my way; and has ruined the hope of rays

They have killed it, dimmed its glaze; and have thrown me in a daze

Inside a bottle, through the waters; but these waters are my tears!

There’s no ocean, there’s no bay; I just float in what I’ve shed

This duality of doubts; has turned threefold and fourfold-

Of rushing poisons of the mind; they’ve made me dumb as well as blind

I am no one at the moment; I’m a Nobody inside!

I’m a spirit of a someone; I once thought I were to be

I had to be a certain someone; someone known to those I knew

I had to feel a certain feeling; but sometimes feelings turn to naught

Nightmares ever present are the gift of darkened mind

Monsters so relentless are the offspring of the blind

I’ve been meaning to find light; since I’ve always felt its might

I’ve been ever after light; that blinding, seeing white…

I hope it takes me where it might; I do trust it with my heart

I wish it lifts me where it must; I feel listless, I need part.

I ask for magic, the divine; It’s just time they intertwined

These wounds have taken over; a shattered soul of many years

This pain has overstayed and overstayed and it shall fade…

They say that one day I’ll survive; when’s that ‘one day’, Someday soon?

They tell us strive, forever strive! All this effort is for what, is this the life?

I had hoped for something real; is this what’s real, A fading dream?

Or is this clinging to a pain which has lingered through what seems-

To be what life has come to be; to be what days have come to see?

Or is it just Life that’s ever-cruel and ever-giving, ever sane?

Perhaps it’s me who is insane; perhaps it’s me who has to fade, and not the pain!

I guess it’s me who has to leave; be non-existent like my joy

I know it’s me who has to be; among the trees and through the breeze

Where I’ve ever longed to be…

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