What Happened?!

There once was a time, where “once upon a time” would sound comforting and sweet; so snug and so delicate; as if beauty were the only thing that had forever existed and none else other than that. Gone is the time when true emotions would blossom into something absolutely real, something surreal called Life…
Yes, all that has vanished. It has all evaporated into an air-like matter of which I know not. What’s left is: many a scattered soul particle as well as a scent shattered into non-existence; but there still is a scent nevertheless; there still exists a thing or two regardless…

I keep asking myself whether I am any longer the shiny extroverted optimist I’d ever known myself to be; whether I have turned into a dark passive cynic already, without me being aware of any of the change! I only keep asking myself, still awaiting a reply which yet has not reached me to comfort my soul…

I do know of one concrete fact: that I still do have a heart which ever so lively beats as well as a soul that has never felt more free; as well as pure! I wonder if that alone could give me the strength to walk on and never give up; I wonder if I can yet again wander as I ever have in this realm of existence and experience and life; so I wander…

This fifth paragraph propels me to recall the story of one roach; I’m not speaking of Gregor Samsa in any regard. No, for him things were just as confusing as myself…Gregor had to go through a great deal of pain so that his soul be purified. Gregor did truly live once he learned to die and be born again. No, my roach (not that I have any particular interest in keeping a pet roach whatsoever!) was simply a roach; a despicable creature of the sewage who has forever been doomed to despise and hatred and detest; a mere incentive of disgust and bile.

This roach entered my life and turned the beauty of light into the darkness of despise; it brought paranoia and disgust; it caused obsession and oblivion of the darkest kind. This roach did turn my day into night while it simply happened to pass by this timelessness of mine; it truly stopped the time; to bring stagnancy and stupor of the mind. I couldn’t possible-for even a second-think of NOT hating this creature; although I never was one, had never been one to hate! But I did hate hatred; oh yes, I did despise disgust, despite all this!

You see, the roach was not a guest, but a true intruder, an imposter, a pest. Who had come by to drop by something I had never had and something I never had the intention to possess. It was something dark which I really never needed; which I shall never ever need.

The roach did disappear into an air-like matter so thin. Yes, it did leave me and my life. I’ll never know where it went; I shall never understand where it really came from. I am certain of but one thing and one thing only: why it only dropped by for a short while and did not linger. This roach was a messenger, a narrator if you will. It only came to write-if only a segment-of my tale; of my many many tales. And it was a good one; it held a lesson simply invaluable! So I simply thank the roach who dropped by and then evaporated into an air-like matter so thin.




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