I was living my life very smoothly, ever calmly and she suddenly swooped right in; with that certain je ne sais quoi she holds; that unique mesmerizing charm of hers which just kills you. She came back and for the tenth time turned my world upside down; shattered my soul and my heart into numerous pieces.
She didn’t care for me and I realized she never had. Maybe once, very long ago but NEVER to the extent that I had or the extent to which I thought she must have.
A love story in my head has been told and retold for such a long time that even I myself don’t know if I’m the sole narrator. I do not know anything about who I am or what I am; I have a blurred image of what I possibly must be and also know for a fact that I’m nowhere near that probability.
It hurts me and my bruised heart to hear her talk of another boy very much; she talks not of one boy but of many! I pretend it’s all fine and as if I’m cool about it; but I’m not. My heart dies each time a little bit more inside. It really does.
I have such anger towards her; for what she does to me and who she is; for the love I have for her. God, in a certain moment, of her love, I could die. I wish I did.
And what pains me the most is that I know NOTHING about her feelings whatsoever. I do have a faint idea of what and who she is, but then there are times, I find myself not knowing a single thing about this individual; this person, this girl whom I’ve loved for a lifetime, whom I’ve known all my life; and then I know just about NOTHING about her. She’s this stranger I’m so deeply, madly in love with; this soul that my soul knows so well and yet, it all goes to waste.
I want to talk to her but I don’t know what to say; where to start. The second I open my mouth, my ears hear words which make absolutely no sense; they just fail to say what the heart wants.
And then there are times I see this look in her eyes; this look of curiosity or of doubt, maybe her words fail her too?
Do I love her? Do I not? I wonder if I’m hesitating to hesitate; or if I’m just pushing something whose potential I’m not aware of.
I am in love with my stranger and there’s a very good chance she knows not of this love. But I do love her and want to kiss her lips and caress her soul; her beautiful soul that my soul knows very well.