A “Boy Meets Girl”

I was living my life very smoothly, ever calmly and she suddenly swooped right in; with that certain je ne sais quoi she holds; that unique mesmerizing charm of hers which just kills you. She came back and for the tenth time turned my world upside down; shattered my soul and my heart into numerous pieces.

She didn’t care for me and I realized she never had. Maybe once, very long ago but NEVER to the extent that I had or the extent to which I thought she must have.

A love story in my head has been told and retold for such a long time that even I myself don’t know if I’m the sole narrator. I do not know anything about who I am or what I am; I have a blurred image of what I possibly must be and also know for a fact that I’m nowhere near that probability.

It hurts me and my bruised heart to hear her talk of another boy very much; she talks not of one boy but of many! I pretend it’s all fine and as if I’m cool about it; but I’m not. My heart dies each time a little bit more inside. It really does.

I have such anger towards her; for what she does to me and who she is; for the love I have for her. God, in a certain moment, of her love, I could die. I wish I did.

And what pains me the most is that I know NOTHING about her feelings whatsoever. I do have a faint idea of what and who she is, but then there are times, I find myself not knowing a single thing about this individual; this person, this girl whom I’ve loved for a lifetime, whom I’ve known all my life; and then I know just about NOTHING about her. She’s this stranger I’m so deeply, madly in love with; this soul that my soul knows so well and yet, it all goes to waste.

I want to talk to her but I don’t know what to say; where to start. The second I open my mouth, my ears hear words which make absolutely no sense; they just fail to say what the heart wants.

And then there are times I see this look in her eyes; this look of curiosity or of doubt, maybe her words fail her too?

Do I love her? Do I not? I wonder if I’m hesitating to hesitate; or if I’m just pushing something whose potential I’m not aware of.

I am in love with my stranger and there’s a very good chance she knows not of this love. But I do love her and want to kiss her lips and caress her soul; her beautiful soul that my soul knows very well.

9 thoughts on “A “Boy Meets Girl”

  1. as selfish it may sound i always thought love was a selfish act…but i am not saying it in a negative way.
    as Joey once said (!) there’s nothing we do that’s not selfish…anyway, in love, for whatever reason; selfish ones of course, we fool ourselves into a dream, an image of intimacy and we try to keep it. hold on to it with whatever logic….maybe it’s best to end this illusion that two people can “love” or maybe it’s better not…there’s no gray area here, i stand in the dark side; or the bright one for that matter.
    [sorry i got carried away! it’s your note’s fault, got me going!]

    1. well i do agree with the logic of your words but you see, the whole MASSIVE concept when it comes to love is that Love knows not of logic; it’s just there, a brimming flow of emotions and excitement countlessly rushing right through you (yes my very own definition thank you very much!!) but you know what? love is only “love” for those who love it! and that’s what makes some fall in love and some not.

  2. Lovely! And as a comment on the first comment, Love isn’t selfish! And the FACT that people can love is certainly not an illusion. It can be a perfect motivation for a better life, IF it is reciprocated well and directed at the right person… Believe me I know what I’m talking about in this case 🙂

    1. Niloufar I know what you saying girl, couldn’t agree more 🙂
      about the snowflakes, I KNOW!!!! aren’t they amaazing? i love em 🙂

      thanks girl

  3. cannot disagree…let’s say argue, with you two. like i said there are two kinds of people in this world, those who are like me, and those who aren’t…let’s not argue over these. i wish just WHENEVER or with WHOEVER i find “love” it be as positive as you described Niloifar, but Sina, i hate for mine to be irrational and in lack of logic…selfish…i know! 😛
    but the whole thing is big IF…! if i give in to “love”…to me, right now, it’s like a plague that hunts people…
    [believe me you don’t want to start me there, i have been thinking about this theory, a lot, LATELY! —which means big pile of fresh crap!]

    ditto on the snowflake comment! 😉

    1. Fer i hope that, am sure that Love will find you! cause believe it or not dear girl, i know you’re capable of it 🙂 despite what u might think, you’re one of us 😀
      sweet dreams now!

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