The monastery was somewhere up the steep hill; where all the colorful flags were fluttering in the morning breeze that flowed upwards, all around. On that serene, sunny day one could only breathe in all the freshness that the mountain air had to offer; and so did the young boy while he was making his way through the numerous twists and turns of the path. He had learnt a variety of breathing techniques from his master and was putting them to practice at a moment of need. He thought to himself while doing so that his master would probably not approve of the way he was doing it; that perhaps he was doing the right one in the right place at the right moment; all the young boy was thinking though, was that he had to do them, even if randomly just as each felt right at every of HIS moments. He didn’t have time to think of his masters’ absurd worries and concerns; his master was nowhere near and today he needed no more masters; he simply wished to live and of course to go up the slopes of the hill; right where the monastery was.
As the monk was going through his morning, he was waiting; for the young boy that is. He had a rosary in hand and was somewhere among the beads, chanting. Incense in the air was visible, moving silently at peace wherever it felt like; it was the time for some kind of prayer or meditation or something that had to do with peace and the divine of some kind that for sure only the monk knew of. He was waiting for the young boy whom with such thrill was on the way. He could feel his lively soul coming his way; full of something the monk wasn’t quite sure of, except for the obvious excitement and boyish joy. Halfway through with his ritual and quite excited himself by this point he walked rather swiftly to the door and waited just beside the door where the fresh morning breeze and the divine sunlight caused him to have an orgasmic feeling of love. He could see the young boy; he was almost there.
They greeted in the way which suited each and without any pause went inside the monastery. The boy drank up every detail of the place; it was a very special place, he thought to himself while the monk was just walking behind him in such silence. The monk offered him a hot liquid which tasted like plants and told him that it would give him more spirit, as if he needed any more spirit of any kind, the young boy! He took a few gulps regardless and cleared his throat without further ado.
“Hmm. So, you said you had a few questions.” He said with great confidence, knowing that the monk was not much older than him anyways so there was no reason to be distressed or more polite than he normally would be.
“well, yes boy. I do have a question or two to ask you; and I suppose the same goes with you. ”
“what I don’t get is why you men of religion must always speak with an authority of wisdom, if that’s what you can really call it. How are you certain that I have a question or two as well?”
“I’m only using common sense you see; you can’t come all this way and ask no questions now, can you?”
“I guess not…anyways shall we get to the point? Not that I’m not enjoying this amazing experience of seeing this place and coming here today but quite honestly, I’m quite listless and I just want to get to the point. I feel like a little child.”
“Alright then, proceed. Go on boy.”
“So I guess I’m asking first right? Okay then, as long as we finally get started…oh! One more thing: could you like not call me BOY? It kinda gets on my nerves and all that. So tell me, what’s the deal with sex? Or let me put it this way, what’s the whole deal about not having sex? How can man deprive himself of his most basic needs or better said his basic instincts? How do you guys deal with it? I’m sure no god of any kind would want their people to suffer this way. I can never quite get around the idea of saying no to sex of any kind. What WOULD you do? It’s just insane, the thought of it even! I’m not even one of those sex conscious kind of people you know, but you know…I mean…let’s face it, do you ever like think about it in your many hours of loneliness up here in the monastery? Does it not drive you nuts? Seriously!”
“What is sex, really? Could you define it for me boy? Do so, so I can answer all your questions one by one. ”
“Sex is that sudden rush of blood to certain places which causes certain…certain juices to flow where they should and then hormones and then awakenings and then certain smells and tastes and the many things of pleasure poking at you with such splendid harmony that you feel alive and full of life…full of love and passion you just want to burst and you’re just not there anymore…you’re in nothingness, in emptiness and all the while you’re just filled with something which is just what you desire for and you keep asking for more and more of what you’re experiencing. That’s what sex is dammit!”
“And when you ask for more of this THING that you’re describing, do you actually get any more of it?”
“well that’s just…I mean that’s not even the point you see, because you see, it’s pretty much the ride’s that your after really. I mean a few moments of pleasure and divine passion experienced through another human being…through their body, their skin, their smells and their…god I’m going crazy just talking about it!”
“I am a man of god and when I talk of him I get the feeling you’re describing. I know it doesn’t sound quite as tangible as one would wish but you see, the same energy, the same rush that you talk of, is what I get when I’m with my god; when I’m spending time with him. I take pleasure in his company more than anything else in this world and when I ask for more, I quite often would receive more of his compassion and love for me and I’d be filled with something of the same strange air you’re talking about. My god never lets me down. I use my senses just as much as you do; I smell the sweet aroma of spring and become so alive; I touch the velvety greens of nature and feel bliss; I taste the pure ambrosial gifts of it and am filled with euphoria. This ecstasy is constant just like the ever-flowing breeze of life that never ceases.”
“But have you ever kissed a lover on the lips? Have you ever wanted to kiss someone so bad you just didn’t know where to start and how to kiss…how much to give? Have you ever done that? have you ever touched a lover with all your being everywhere on their skin? Have you ever felt like you know a lover’s body as if it were your own? Have you ever made love to a lover with such passion and desire that if only for a few second you though you couldn’t simply live anymore? Now tell me, have you?”
“I hear your words and that’s all they are to me: words. Are mine the same to you…All I say? I do know what I talk of, I do feel every single word. But I can’t quite understand what you’re saying boy. I do feel the passion in your words, but what are words, really but words? If they cannot show you the love I’m feeling inside, then what are they but useless words? If they can’t give you the pleasure of the existence you could feel next to god then what are they, really other than some alphabets playing the game of confusion so well?”
“But I speak of no words “boy”; I speak of a greater love, maybe you cannot understand my words or what I say, but you can feel them perhaps?”
The monk had never felt so lost and confused and full of something so strange capturing his soul; it was like no sensation he had ever had. He looked into the eyes of the boy, they were flickering with something so bizarre to him…something which was yet so familiar. The boy came close, put them on his lips, his lips; and showed him what he meant; just to get the message across.
And then he knew.
© Sina Saberi – 14 August 2011