Feeling Matters

“to know what you do not want has nothing to do with even being on the path of what you want.”

Did you know that? Or did you not?

If not, there’s  one more confusion for you to hold on to. One more to add to that colossal list of yours.

She knew precisely what she never wanted. And so she avoided it. And then she had it. When she realized even more how much she resented it, hated it. Then she pondered she didn’t know what she really wanted and so went her tale;

Having what she was certain no to ever have, what she had never wanted while ending up, knowing NOTHING of what she actually wanted.

Now she had neither. She had none. None but a hunting nightmare, never ending. And a hazy wishful thinking. A wishful thinking of a grotesque image in her head, ever evolving, ever falling in and out of shape. Nothing, to be seen. Nothing to be even reflected.

And there went her so called life. And there went the dreams she had never had. The dreams of false joy and philanthropy; of love and of life.

Oh dear, if only humanity hadn’t been so cruel to her. If only people had cared to share even for a moment, things kept in their meticulous collections. Articles of those things…particles. They never did. They never cared. She simply had to let go. She just had to leave them all behind. That was what was in the cards for her… in the stars… fate… destiny. Letting go, leaving all behind. NEVER looking back. Now she was sure. Now she knew.

To be perfectly honest with you, I just lied.

She never left, you see. She never found the courage to do so. She stayed and bared the lie.

This is how I put it of course. Because I’m sure she, herself doesn’t care enough to call it anything. She has lost all aim, all purpose, all effort. There’s only a sheer string of hope, keeping her alive and of course the curiosity which yet remains. It hasn’t killed her yet.

She’s lonely though. I can tell. I would know. Seems quite the opposite. It’s not going to stay that way for long, I assure you.

Soon, her cover-up will be worn out, torn into pieces and all her sorrow, her tears will be revealed to all. oh what a change of character; and for HER of all people. But perhaps it’s time.

I say the only thing that might save her right now is a big big love! I know that too. I might volunteer to help her out. I must have her back. She needs me, her savior angel, her true love.

I will love her to death. Cherish her, every single moment until she feels happiness and bliss in all her being, all her soul.

For only I know how much beauty lies within her scarred soul.

I know how to love her, how to heal her heart. I know how to show her life, to tell her to live.

What a pure love indeed.

I should’ve known. I somehow always ha-

Oh It just started raining, let me get my coat and go; she’s waiting in her loneliness,

Waiting to be held.

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