Not Ready to Party

In the middle of a very fun, crowded party you suddenly decide not to get drunk or high tonight and just want to be a part of this flow.

You decide actually to be YOU and see things with your eyes and not with your mind; Maybe with your heart but for sure NOT with your mind.

And this is what happened next:

I was fucking around, trying to do the same things I always do: a bit of small talk here, a bit of hanging out with old timers there; Trying to have serious conversations or lousy chats all in vain; Then trying to play the crazy dude with all the gestures and the dancing; Even turning up the flirt game and the possible hooking up with someone at the end of the night.

Lots of people all around you; You look into their eyes, exchange smiles; some unanswered, some returned with an additional flirt.

But at the moment of crazy, steamy dance suddenly you both realize it’s not all that real or that you are not all that ready. Oh aren’t you really?!

Even after the crazy, cool, sexy dance occurs, you realize it has so swiftly passed you by. SNAP. Just like that!

So then you go in the unfamiliar room along with a bunch of total strangers and get high, thinking to yourself: Well perhaps now things would really start to happen. With every move, every single groove that the high brings, you are trying more and more to move a step ahead of it; You wanna make more of the groove, of what it really is. Let’s face it though: It ain’t gonna happen dude! Not now! Not tonight anyways!

The music’s awesome! REAL good I mean! It could’ve been the best time, given the right people were there. But let’s face it: they are! At least for tonight, YOU are not the right people. Just can’t seem to mix in and mingle.

Everyone knows it and feels it and YOU better than anyone else. There are no hard feelings; None for them at least. It’s all in your head!

All around are cool, fun people. All crazy,  just like you. Maybe a tad less! Maybe that’s the issue: you are TOO crazy. Or maybe not crazy enough?!

Anyhow, it’s too bad being in a big crowd and somehow managing to end up lonely huh? No one understands you? That’s really your attitude, your way of thought, your viewpoint. But it’s also all so very true. You have never been this right and this lost in your life, have you?

-What are you trying to change huh? Yourself? Your SELF? What are you anyways?

-well, didn’t think so. I’ve got some advice for you though: Do what you gotta do and what you wanna do as well before you realize you don’t have the chance for either of the two! Go with the flow. Remember?

-Give me a break! I’ve been so part of the flow that I’ve become the waves, the current, all the foam, shattered at the bay, Into pieces.

-NO no no! You are trying to be the current at times while simply riding the current at other times and that ain’t gonna work.

-Don’t patronize me, will you? Really the last thing I need right now. Have you got any real good advice? Actual good old advice?

-Why ask when you’ll just object the second I whisper a word?

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