Ça Suffit for Now

One step, two steps, stagger, stumble but never fall. again! is it the reason of drinking too much? getting wasted big time? or maybe even both? is it cause of “doing it” so much that your knees are weak? you give and you give until you can’t even stand on your feet? You have no energy and are drained! is it because of dancing for a very long period? have you been “doing it” so often and with so many people? or perhaps with the certain someone with whom you’re “doing it” these days? or maybe you’re mentally doing it with so many people around you that you can easily see the effects on your physical body as if you’ve really been doing it that much! don’t you wanna behave? can’t you control yourself? what’s behind all this yearning? this lust? what or who woke the beast? what caused your inner animal to come round and devour all it sees? whoever it was, you should’ve seen it coming! now it’s a little too late of course!

You’ve lost your will…you’ve lost that zest for success…that certain desire for planning…for living it up. it’s like you’ve reached this point where nothing else matters except for what IS right now. you at times though miss that ambitious, perseverant being you used to be not very long ago and yet…well…that isn’t anymore. it was and now it isn’t.

why do you miss it? what do you miss about it? is it the prestigious image? or the top notch shadow? is it the amazing persona? the one that walks so high? with its nose turned up? the one that only drinks wine? the one with stickers all around? and tags? and high hopes? and a certain way of speaking? in that very peculiar yet exotic tone? the one that has to be the best and have it all? that one? oh what’s there to miss?

so about this humble, down-to-earth, sleepers-wearing-a-la-pajamas one…what about it? well…it’s comfy right? not so much! I want the wine at times…or at least I’d like to have the luxury of having the option somehow.

Intellect, vision, perspective, knowledge…these are all one thing and then you have NOT-KNOWING; the sweetest thing in the world! but what if you felt dumb? after a chat with one who possesses any of the above? then what? after all the doubt? are you willing to see what’s next? these are the 2 extremes perhaps.

That lively, jumpy, bouncy guy with that huge smile that makes the side of your lips ache! that ongoing laughter with all the joking and whatnot! all that vis-a-vis the serene, quiet askewed smile and the empty eyes full of dead love. this dead of a calm chunk of meat, nodding at times…fake smiling…just an empty being.

what has become of you man? what has gotten into you? what’s this THING that has possessed you, swept you off your feet and replaced you with this new, weirdly eccentric creature, this stranger? where are you? I miss you. some say there’s a chance you’ve died…but that lively man that I knew couldn’t’ve possibly died!

no, he had so much life to offer. what’s happened friend? show up sometime. everyone misses you. why so bitter? why so lonely? come and join us, we wanna play a game…the game’s called Life by the way. and it doesn’t wait for you and me to make the rules on how to play.

why so twisted? why so flabbergasted? why so unsure? why so full of doubt? why oh why?

if you wanna touch me, or hold me so tight, if you wanna smell my hair and kiss my lips, if you just wanna be held in my warm embrace and live as if there’s no tomorrow, if you wanna play with my hair till the break of dawn, even far after I’ve fallen asleep, if you wanna touch the tip of my nose with yours while we lie next to each other and if you wish to smile right into my face while you cheer me with your beautiful eyes, just do it! let’s not hesitate. if you wanna go out for a walk on the cobbled sidewalks in the drizzly midnight breeze, let’s just do it. please let’s do it I’m full of haste now!

don’t wait, let’s not kill time. let’s never get back to reality. let’s stay in this drunken haze, please let’s! I wanna hold you and tell you things with my eyes, with my tongue, with my smile, with my touch but not with any words.

I wanna feel the burning warmth of yours in all my being and be filled with all your passion and heat.

let’s not follow any rules…let’s not draw lines, let this be infinite and without lines. oh that utopia called lovebed! that…that world.

I wish I could be lost…

Lost in you…

Lost in us…

Lost in me…

just lost.

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