Mot Juste

This is to you my friend:

You, that somehow partially-if not perfectly-know who I am. You know I’m kinda crazy, At times unbearably moody, And to a mind-numbing extent organized which quite frankly has been bothering even me lately. You know I keep my stuff on the desk with a certain angle and that in the middle of a party l’d actually pack tomorrow’s stuff. You know I’ll literally go NOWHERE without first being in the comfort of my own room for a while, picking out the perfect clothes and departing minimum 15 minutes earlier than necessary. You know I only serve the food if I have already washed all the dishes and put them away. The coffee of course is always ready given the cups and the tray are all clean and dry.

despite my all-time theory of “Live in the present.” at times I miss the present being concerned about the future, NEVER the past thank god but ALWAYS the future. like a never-ending saga.

You, though live for NOW and I really appreciate this about you. You just go with the flow (and I’m known for this phrase!!) You are the actual realization of what I wanna be someday. Of what I am every day trying to become. all the while of course being ME u know.

You may say I know more or have experienced more for that matter but that’s not all that matters. You don’t know perhaps how to make the prefect coffee or how to fix up a scrumptious meal in a jiffy but your talents fall into a whole other category and sometimes my friend, I’m jealous of you.

Jealousy of course ain’t cool; specially if it comes from your best friend but shit happens I guess.

If there’s one thing I can say I HAVE learnt all through this life (the hard way of course) is having the ability to be happy for those around me and naturally appreciating them for what they really are.

but as for me, myself and I, not so much.

You my friend, don’t know me anymore though for you haven’t been around for a while. I do miss you I really do but I guess that’s what U wanted babe. I don’t hate you for it but at times I just wish U could at least share a tiny bit of the new me with me. U’d love the new me. U’d seen the flaws long before so they’d look faded anyways and all the new sophistication would’ve been all shiny and glorious for you and I’d be happiest but as life would have it, we would be departed. Of course no one would EVER know the things you knew. we’d always keep the memories till we are ready to talk about them all over and relive the oh-so-dear moments.

You, I can’t call a friend. But it wouldn’t go amiss to appreciate your loyalty and truthfulness. You got to meet a part of me no one knew. You explored it as a matter of fact and for that I seriously gotta thank you. but listen, I don’t owe you that much for I was there too U know. I showed U the way when it got dark as well and I guess I played my part pretty well. Now U gotta learn to let low and let go. Cuz U know how I love keeping THE distance and most definitely my space. I like U but that’s it!

And U, despite having known you for a LONG while I never thought we’d click as we did.I found me when I found U. and maybe U wanna hide it but sweetie, U did too. we both learnt from one another. always works like that. U may have been the one to start the whole “teaching” thing but as soon as I learned the basics I flew up to mastering the subject and I for sure gave U a great deal of perspective.

I gotta admit though, looking back, I realize if it weren’t 4 U it would all have been delayed for a while but would’ve happened somewhere along the road anyways.

As for U,I don’t know…comparing to all the others…I really don’t know. there was something. but “something” is all there is to it. maybe I was wise enough to learn something from U while U actually didn’t intend to share so much. Of course I love U too. U’re not the most honest person in the world but I’m sure U’ve your own reasons. Ur secrets perhaps. but I wish things could be different. perhaps in a perfect world huh?

And last (but perhaps not Least) Me. I have my dreams. being a better ME is what I’m trying to do. I share the love with U.I send U all the best. I’m there 4 U.I love U. don’t forget that no matter what, I’ll always love ME a little bit more than I’ll love U but it doesn’t matter. So the worse is U’ll call me selfish. Try to Give love and be sure U’ll receive it in return.

Doubt, Fear, Second-guessing, Lying, Cheating are all part of the recipe and accepted. Just don’t ever hate me. Can’t bear it. and Of course PUHLEASE do not 4get about the DISTANCE.

U have no idea how much I love you.

I’m saying all this so U know. so that if one day I’m not here to tell U with my own words U know. and Let everyone know. The whole world.

It’s Alliteration we have in life, Not Repetition.

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